i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
