I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
