What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
