Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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