In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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