The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
