Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
