Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
