i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
