i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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