so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
