people are starting to question the shark bite story
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
