Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
