I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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