When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
