you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
