hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
