margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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