Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
