i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
