...so i touched it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
