oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Randomize
