So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
