her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
