Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
