So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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