She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
