Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
