after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
