We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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