dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
