hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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