ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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