Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
