i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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