...so i touched it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
