Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
