R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dick has a subreddit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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