do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
worst night to have a conscience
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
