I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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