I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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