I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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