yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
