Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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