dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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