I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
