All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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