she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
