The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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