i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
