you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
