Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
