Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
