I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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